How to Support Someone in Eating Disorder Recovery
Supporting someone you love through eating disorder recovery can feel confusing, emotional, and overwhelming. You care deeply, and you want to help but it isn’t always clear what helpful actually looks like.
As an eating disorder therapist, I often notice that support people are unintentionally missing a few foundational steps that can make a meaningful difference in their loved one’s healing. The good news? These steps are simple, compassionate, and accessible—even if you aren’t sure what to say or do.
Below are three gentle, practical ways to show up with compassion, clarity, and boundaries—so you can support your loved one without reinforcing the eating disorder.
1. Start With Emotional Validation
Eating disorder recovery brings up big, real emotions (e.g. fear, panic, shame, anger, grief). Before offering reassurance, advice, problem-solving, or distractions, the most impactful first step is validation.
Validation helps your loved one feel seen in their pain instead of alone with it. It reminds them that their emotions are worthy of support, not something they need to hide.
Try saying things like:
“I see how scary this feels for you.”
“I hear how much this hurts.”
“Your feelings make sense given what you’re going through.”
“Can you help me understand what these big feelings are about?”
This type of emotional attunement builds safety which support movement toward recovery instead of deeper into the eating disorder.
2. Stay Calm Yourself (Co-Regulation Matters)
When someone is in an active struggle with an eating disorder, their nervous system often feels overwhelmed or dysregulated. In those moments, your ability to stay calm and grounded matters more than you may realize.
This is called co-regulation, the process of one person’s calm supporting another person’s regulation.
When you are steady, your loved one can borrow that steadiness.
This may look like:
Slowing your breathing when they start to spiral
Keeping your tone soft and steady (even when they or their eating disorder is yelling)
Reminding yourself that the eating disorder is speaking; not the healthy part of your loved one
Taking breaks when you feel overwhelmed so you don’t react from stress
Supporting someone through recovery requires emotional energy. Your own self-care is essential.
3. Offer to Partner With Them (Not Police Them)
Eating disorders thrive in secrecy and isolation. Genuine connection is one of the most powerful antidotes.
Instead of monitoring their behavior or pushing them, consider partnering with them in small, supportive ways that reduce isolation and make recovery feel more doable.
This might include:
Sharing a meal together
Eating a challenge food at the same time
Sitting beside them during moments when they’re resisting the urge to use a behavior
Asking, “What feels hardest today?”
Or, “How can I join you in fighting the disorder today?”
This approach sends a clear message:
“You don’t have to do this alone. I’m on your team.”
Partnership helps your loved one connect to you and helps them move away from the eating disorder.
A Final Encouragement
Supporting someone through eating disorder recovery is not easy. You’re navigating your own fears, hopes, and emotions while trying to show up with steadiness and compassion. It’s okay to not have all the answers. What matters most is your willingness to be present, patient, and grounded.
Your presence truly makes a difference.
