Surviving Holiday Diet Talk: A Guide for Parents
The holidays can be a magical time full of traditions, connection, comfort foods, and moments that bring families together. But they can also bring stress, anxiety, and questions about how to handle “diet talk”.
So much of the holidays are centered around food and the ways we use food to connect, or for enjoyment, or nostalgia, or to avoid difficult feelings. There's the feast on Thanksgiving, the Christmas cookies, Grandma's special recipe filled with butter and love. Its good but can feel scary, or shameful when you spend a lot of your life focused on "healthy eating" or weight loss. In a culture so focused on bodies, moralizing food and weight, and control around food; it makes sense that diet talk increases during this time as a response to the dissonance we might feel.
If you’re working hard to help your child build a positive relationship with food and their body, this can feel especially stressful.
As a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and body image concerns, I often hear from parents who want to protect their kids from harmful messages around food, weight, and appearance. Below, I break down what diet talk is, why it shows up during this time of year, and what parents can do to support a healthier, more compassionate environment for their children.
What Is “Diet Talk”?
“Diet talk” refers to conversations that center around weight loss, restriction, food rules, calories, “good” and “bad” foods (including “junk” food vs “whole” food), fitness culture, and overall attempts at controlling our weight and/or food intake. Sometimes it sounds like traditional dieting. Other times"diet talk" masquerades as "wellness culture" or attempts to be healthy; however, at it's core, there is still an overall focus on control of weight/body/food instead of connection and trust.
Even when it’s dressed up in new language, the message is usually the same:
Your body needs to be controlled. Food should be earned. Thinness equals health. Thinness equals acceptance.
These narratives can be confusing and harmful for kids and teens who are still developing their sense of self and their relationship with their bodies.
Why Does Diet Talk Show Up More During the Holidays?
Food plays a central role in holiday traditions. Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas cookies, festive baking, Grandma’s famous recipe; these foods connect us to joy, culture, and family history.
But for people who spend much of the year thinking about “healthy eating” or weight loss, this abundance can bring up anxiety, shame, or guilt. In a culture that moralizes food and idolizes thinness, holiday eating often clashes with the diet rules many people try to follow.
This internal conflict can lead to external comments like:
“I really shouldn’t be eating this…”
“This is so bad for me.”
“I’m skipping dessert—I’m being healthy.”
“I’ll just have a few bites. I’m on a diet.”
“I look so bloated. Don’t let me eat any more.”
“Look how tiny she is. I wish I had her metabolism.”
“I’m trying to eat clean right now.”
Unfortunately, kids absorb these messages even when they aren’t directed at them.
How Diet Talk Can Affect Kids and Teens
Diet talk alone doesn’t cause eating disorders, but it can absolutely contribute to:
disordered eating patterns
body dissatisfaction
food-related anxiety
fear of weight gain
rigid thinking around “good” vs. “bad” foods
amplification of existing disordered eating
Kids don’t yet have the ability to critically analyze the messages adults give them. If a parent or relative says something is “bad” to eat or models guilt or shame around food, they often interpret it literally.
Some children are also more vulnerable. Kids at higher risk for developing eating disorders often have traits such as:
perfectionism
high sensitivity
obsessive-compulsive tendencies
difficulty managing distress
low self-esteem
mood dysregulation
Children with a family history of eating disorders or who have experienced trauma are also more susceptible.
Common Examples of Diet Talk at Family Gatherings
If you’ve heard any of these phrases at a holiday dinner, you’re not alone:
“I’m being so bad eating this.”
“I’ve already had too many carbs.”
“That’s not worth the calories.”
“I’ll have to work out later to burn this off.”
“You need to play outside to work off all that sugar.”
These comments may seem harmless, but they reinforce the idea that food must be earned, justified, or offset by exercise.
A Healthier Approach for Parents
Model neutral, non-moralizing language around food. Instead of commenting on calories or “good/bad” eating, you can simply say:
“This tastes really good. Grandma’s recipes are so special.”
“I love sharing meals together. Food connects us.”
“No thanks, I’m not in the mood for that right now.”
“Let’s make a plate with things you’re excited to try.”
“I think I’m full, but everything tastes great.”
“You can always have seconds if you’re still hungry.”
“Everyone’s body needs different things, and that’s okay.”
If Your Child Starts Joining in Diet Talk
If you hear your child echoing phrases like “This is unhealthy,” “I shouldn’t eat that,” or “I need to lose weight,” it’s not a sign to panic. It is a sign to slow down and open a conversation.
You might say:
“Tell me what made you think about that.”
“Food helps our bodies grow and gives us energy—and it’s also part of fun and connection, especially during the holidays.”
“Your body is good exactly as it is. You don’t need to change it to be worthy.”
Keep the focus on body respect, emotional attunement, and the many roles food plays beyond nutrition.
How to Talk with Relatives Before Gatherings
Sometimes the most important step is preparing the adults around you. A simple, kind boundary-setting conversation can go a long way.
“Hey, we’re focusing on helping the kids build a healthy relationship with food and their bodies. Would you mind keeping diet or weight-related comments to adult spaces, not around the kids? We’d really appreciate your help with this.”
Most family members respond well when they understand the goal is to protect and support rather than correct their own behavior.
Final Thoughts: Protecting Kids from Harmful Body and Food Messages
Food is not moral. Eating is not a test. And your child does not need to be protected from holiday meals. Instead, they need to be protected from shame, fear, and rigidity around food and bodies.
A few grounding reminders:
All foods can fit with balance, moderation, and variety.
Restriction often leads to more stress and shame.
Kids learn far more from what you model than what you tell them.
Trusting your body (not controlling it) is the foundation of long-term wellbeing.
The more we challenge the harmful messages of diet culture, the more space we make for connection, joy, and true health.
If you or your child are struggling with food, body image, or anxiety around eating, support is available. Feel free to reach out—I’m here to help.
